I want to leave. I want to stop caring. I have stopped caring, have I not?
But it’s keeping me awake at night, and bringing me down to sleep at day. I am in constant denial, in constant fear, worry.
Often I would rather not see anyone. I would rather it be dark outside my window. I would rather it be night rather than day.
Cause then I know.. No one will be looking for me. I am free.
But when the sun comes out and I hear noises of life outside, I began to worry. Reality is coming back.
I would rather shut down the world. Sometimes.. No… Often, I don’t miss anyone. I want to be alone.
There’s the internet. There’s the books. There’s the vlogs, the movies, the docus, if I want to peek the outside world. I’m fine here in my room all day, all week. Maybe even, all year round.
But… If I quit my hell of a job…
Where do I go from here?
I’m not happy.
Is there a place I can be fully happy to have live this far in my life?
Or… Will I be forever in a limbo, in the name of survival?