It didn’t look like the usual 05:38 A.M. sky. It was too dark. I had to pull the curtains twice and look at my phone twice just to make sure I was not deluding. 05:38, shows my phone in BOLD font.
It was cold. It was amazing my body woke up early but I stubbornly went back to sleep. Maybe I shouldn’t have. I thought I’ve got more time to buy.
Then, I dreamt of my senior colleague. Senior. Older than my mother. At the time, I didn’t think it weird. I was dreaming.
No one’s usually quick-witted in a dream, are you?
Then, she fell down on her knees. I helped her up. Then somehow we were playing around and laughing. It’s as if I was very comfortable with her, than usual. We suddenly danced.
Not breaking into a dance like 💃🏻. But more like we became dance partners. I held on to her, she held on to me.
Then, it happened.
She, barefoot, intentionally lifted her feet one by one over my feet. So when we danced, I would carry her step by step.
Then, it hit me.
Mama? In my dream, I suddenly became quick-witted and made a realization that the person who would play around like this with me… is my mom.
Before I could react to her, I woke up.
It’s already 06:30 A.M. I’m running late. But..
I couldn’t move. I DIDN’T want to. Mama. I can’t be wrong. I suddenly felt it was really her. Not my colleague. I felt like… I’m falling again.. to despair. I don’t want to leave my bed.
Reality is hitting me hard again. Waking up to a reality where my mama is gone, where I could no longer hold her, where I could no longer laugh with her, play with her, dance with her..
where I have to be desperate of any chance that she may show up in one of my dreams…
I ignored the school bell of the high school near our home. It’s 06:45 A.M. I didn’t get up and rush downstairs like I usually do. I crouched on my bed.
I didn’t feel like it. I don’t feel like facing the world.. I went back to sleep.
But she didn’t show up again.
If not for my failing attendance, I wouldn’t bother going to work. But I couldn’t help taking the morning off.
Just take everything off.